HIGH HOPES!!

Ok, so I only have a minute but here is a quick update:

Yesterday I was pondering China with the Lord... checking my calendar and thinking about how little PTO I have especially after being sick. Then it dawned on me; work is closing for Christmas and New Year's for a week and a half straight! I of course love spending the holidays with my family, but what a joy and delight it would be to spend it serving at Bethel!?! Right?? SO, I got some pastoral advice, which said to move forward, then I emailed Bethel, and they gave me the big "thumbs up." Now it is up to my Father in heaven. If He somehow provides the airfare, then I get to celebrate Christmas and begin the New Year in China, at Bethel! WHOA!!!

Please pray, send happy thoughts... whatever you feel lead to do. I am hoping BIG!

Fear Not...

I have to say, my tender heart has been burdened. I have been struck with anxiety while reading the news lately. This past year and even week, has been full of horrific stories of violence within places where we naturally assume safety such as home and the workplace. The recent shootings within families, and intruders at work... ugh, they sadden me deeply and I have been pondering how I can possibly feel safe anywhere I go. This morning I am feeling more hopeful as the Lord reminds me of His divine protection over my life. I am still wrestling inside about why these things happen, but in the end I must rest, knowing my life is in His hands. There is nothing I can do to be safe but trust Him and walk in the freedom He has given me. This passage in Isaiah comes to mind as he reminds me of the freedom that I, specifically have found in Him:

"I took you from the ends of the earth,

from its farthest corners I called you.

I said, 'You are my servant';

I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

All who rage against you

will surely be ashamed and disgraced;

those who oppose you

will be as nothing and perish.

Though you search for your enemies,

you will not find them.

Those who wage war against you

will be as nothing at all.

For I am the LORD, your God,

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you. "

Isaiah 41:10-13

"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have."

1 Peter 3:13-15

Why do I put my hope in Him???
He loves me, He's my Father, my Protector, my Shield, my Grace, my Stregnth, my Savior.

 

"In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because He first loved us."

1 John 4:17-19

Mom & Dad

While laying around recovering from my wisdom teeth removal,

I have been silently rejoicing one of life's greatest gifts:

Mom and Dad

"Honor your father and your mother so that you may

live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."

Exodus 20:12

Christmas tree outing Winter 2008

First, my mom.  She's my best friend. She's funny, silly, playful and athletic. My earliest memories of childhood are some of my favorite. Even when she was a single mom it was obvious that she loved (and still does) being our mom. When she was not working she was always playing with us laughing with us... finding something to do where we were learning and enjoying our time together.

Most importantly, she loves and trusts the Lord arguably more than anyone I know. I have not always appreciated this-it used to be too convicting (yikes), now I'm inspired. I want to be a woman who loves and serves the Lord the way my mom does. I want to be a wife and mom who holds her family at the center of her heart. Who weeps and cries out to the Lord interceding for her family.

"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Proverbs 31:26-31

We laugh together, cry together, shop together and we love pedicures together. We share secrets and tears and words of 

encouragement and love. It has taken some time to get to where we are in our relationship. I think we'd both say that although we have always been close friends, the Lord has mended some wounds from the past and our relationship is purely wonderful and blessed. And I must add, that where I am now, spiritually, physically, emotionally... it is a direct result of my mom's prayers and trust in the Lord. There were a lot of prayers and a lot of tears shed on behalf of her daughter who was once trying to escape the embrace of our Loving Savior. Thanks for not giving up, Mommy.

This brings me to my dad. In many ways the journey to where we are now was a little more rocky and difficult, but our Divine Healer has put in work and I think it made for a solid, secure, new foundation! I am and always will be a "Daddy's Girl," and I feel like I get to live it with him. We have become close in my adult years and we just have a great time together. We talk openly about issues that most dads probably don't with their daughters. I would say we have quite an honest and sincere relationship. This has taken time though... there was a time when he didn't want me to call him "Dad." Then there was a time when I didn't want that either. Now I cannot imagine it any other way! He has chosen me as his daughter just as God has chosen us as his children. The more I think of this, my heart is touched in a profound way. Truly, he chose me. He could have easily taken on a role of "step-dad" in my life and that would have been just fine. However, he chose another route; he decided that he was going to instill values in me. He would teach me how to respect my elders, have impecable manners, to be grateful for all I have- legitimately grateful. And he has shown me how to clean to perfection! :) I now say I get my OCD ways from my dad. Haha.

"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching."

Proverbs 1:8

We both brag about our date nights. Whenever he takes me out I am reminded how important I am and the way I should be treated as a woman. My dad has also taught me a lot about work ethic. He is one of the hardest working individuals I have ever encountered. My dad works hard. He sets goals and he makes them happen. I am working towards having that same tenacious heart with whatever I put my hands to. I also hope to someday marry a man who has no less work ethic than my father. Hey, it could happen! ;)

My greatest desire for my dad is that he will one day sense the same humble excitement when he comes to the full realization of Christ our Lord chosing himself as His son.

My parents are amazing.

I hope my life brings honor to them.

China

Loved ones, as promised here is an update on the status of my return to China:

The day after my last update post, I heard from Bethel, the orphanage in China. They asked that I decide on which dates and let them know when I would like to come over the summer! This would be 2 or 3 weeks of time to volunteer there as a trial to see if we would all be a good fit together. Obviously I received this news quite awhile ago, and unlike my usual self, I told no one. After a couple days I ended up confiding in a couple of dear friends and now I am speaking more openly about it. I am not sure why it was hard to discuss in the beginning. But when I read that email inviting me to come I weeped for hours. The same thing happened when I shared my news with a dear friend for the first time; I was extremely emotional. I presume the tears were niether negative or positive. It's just that I was expecting the news to come in a few more weeks, so I was surprised. Also, going back to China is just so near to my heart. I cannot even find words to describe how much that place and the people touch the inner most places in my heart and soul. My church family in China is wonderfully supportive and loving and thoughtful. They bless me abundantly!

For now, I am keeping in touch with the two individuals who coordinate volunteers and we have been getting to know one another via email. It's fun! I will soon meet with a pastor from Beaverton Foursquare to talk about some other details.

For you who have committed to prayer support for me, here are some things I am asking Our Father about:

*Is Bethel still where He would like me to go?
*Timing- when should I go and how long?
*Health- continued healing
*Finances- God's provision over my current financial burdens and for my ministry in China.
*Purposeful living in the mean time- I have made a point to be intentional about not being so focused on the future (China) that I lose sight of opportunities to serve and love and grow here in Portland, now. God is doing a complete work in me and I am beyond thrilled about it and so blessed!

Thank you, loved ones, for your support, love, prayers and well wishes!

Now I lay me down to sleep...

I believe it is common knowledge that sleep is something I have been struggling with for a few years now. My insomnia has been a chronic problem that has even been resistant to several very strong medical interventions. I remember about 2 years ago when my primary care provider, who had been my doctor since high school, told me that it is possible no amount of medications would help me sleep because of significant trauma I had undergone. She told me that my brain was likely protecting me through insomnia. She compared it to survival instincts in nocturnal animals that stay awake to protect themselves from predators. I remember feeling like her explanation of my condition made more sense than what I had heard from any other medical specialist, but it was also not as easily solved as, “here’s a pill, take it before bed and sleep soundly!” I was not sure what to do with that information other than take it to the Lord. In those days my relationship with God was not quite as strong as it is now, so I did pray, but not with the fervent heart and expectation of healing that I pray with now.

O LORD, hear me as I pray;

pay attention to my groaning.

2 Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God,

for I pray to no one but you.

3 Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD.

Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.

Psalm 5 1-3

Anyway, in the recent months I have shared my experience of not sleeping with many friends here and in China and I know that there are MANY people who have been praying for me. I feel so loved and cared for by my family and friends, who have prayed for me, sent me thoughtful notes and encouraged me in my frustrating times. Throughout this “Season of Healing,” that I previously described, I believe that many of the traumas the Lord has carried me back through to heal me from are the very same things my doctor spoke of. With the combination of the prayers of the Body of Christ, support from friends and the healing touch of our Living God, I am sleeping. I am sleeping with minimal medication and sleeping all night long!!! I wake in the morning after a full night of sleep feeling rested, refreshed and safe. This is divine healing. God has brought me to a place where my heart is completely open to Him and obeying Him, and I believe that is how I was able to experience His healing in my life. I still have the random nights of tossing and turning like most people do, but I would say that for the past solid month, I have slept well at least 5 nights a week rather than the occasional 1 night.

Miraculous.

In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.

Psalm 4:8

I lay down and slept,

yet I woke up in safety,

for the LORD was watching over me.

Psalm 3:5